First of all, my boss is under the assumption that I'm a conservative (LOL.). I didn't do anything to lead him in that direction, it's just that when politics come up, all I do at work is smirk and nod. I don't AGREE, I don't DISAGREE. I know. That's tres shocking. Apparently you CAN pay me to keep quiet. I'm such a stand-up person.
Secretary Lauren is quiet, serious, agreeable (even if my face doesn't show it) and doesn't reference zombies. She's boring. I hate her. But I need her to make money to support Jon's nasty college and football habit. So we've mutually agreed to occupy the same headspace until Real Lauren doesn't need a roomie to split the rent with.
There's gonna be some crossover.
Our break room is supplied with the cast off dinnerware of the employees. I donated Jon's oversize bachelor cereal bowls. Brooke donated a set of old Oneida silverware. I resisted the urge to tell her that Oneida began as a religious cult. I figured since I told her that her coffee type beverage smelled like antifreeze two weeks ago, I should let this one slide. At the time of the Antifreeze/coffee incident, we had 18 forks. Last Wednesday, we had 2.
Brooke Messaged Shaina and Secretary Lauren about it. But Real Lauren answered.
Brooke: "We're missing 16 forks. We should make a poster."
Real Lauren: "Obviously"
Shaina: "And I'm missing some spoons from home, too."
Brooke: "THE FORK RAN AWAY WITH THE SPOON"
Brooke and Shaina kept the conversation going. Real Lauren, however, was busy.
And this one:
Crap. Real Lauren got out. At work. That hussy.