Monday, December 19, 2011

I Like Jesus But I Think Tim Tebow is Overrated.

When Tim Tebow was playing for Florida, he had an unconventional style and an underdog charm that persisted even long after the team was even remotely "under" anything, let alone a dog. The record breaking Google searches on his eye black? cute. I bet his favorite song was even "What if Cartoons Got Saved" by Chris Rice. I rooted for him.Well, up till the Heisman and then the Ritta house was Suh all the way.

Then the ESPN caught his little pre-game prayer party. I say "caught", but there wasn't really any sort of chase. "Oh! I'm sorry, ESPN camera guy, I seem to have been doing my Rodin impression directly in your shot!"

"Oh! So Sorry. I did it again"

"And again! Isn't it funny that none of my teammates are ever nearby to ruin the shot? I guess some of them pray before games too, but I really like the extra space to multitask and stretch this one hammy while I converse with the Savior."

He's the Kim Kardashian of professional football. He's on every news outlet, his fans are rabid, but no one except Tim Tebow seems to know what exactly he's doing in the spotlight. Public Prayer is Tim Tebow's answer to Kim Kardashian's famous backside.

Can you tell I think he's a little over-rated as a player and God's-gift-to-other-people-who-pray (albeit more humbly)? Here's why:

1.) Football.

      I get it. The fellow can come through in a pinch. Why are they in a pinch in the first place? Oh. Because Tebow doesn't even show up till there are 10 minutes left in the 4th. Why does he deserve hoopla for playing at Tom Brady's level for a fraction of the time that Tom Brady actually does? Huh? Huh?

2.) Jesus.

      Tim Tebow talks about Jesus more than Jesus talked about Jesus. Tim Tebow also talks to Jesus. I'm fine with that. I've been known to do that. I even prayed before sporting events- wrestling meets. ("Please oh please let my lady-ness stay INSIDE this men's cut singlet. Amen.") Here's my issue: Tim Tebow needs YOU to be very aware that he is, in fact, Speaking With The Lord. I doubt he prays like that in the privacy of his home, just shoves aside his chair and takes a knee in the breakfast nook?

       He could quietly stand and pray for the game, and no one would know about his private little tete-a-tete with the Big Guy. He could huddle up with a few like-minded teammates. I know he isn't the only guy praying before the game. But he doesn't. He does the "Thinker" in full, unhindered view of ESPN's cameras. Often. Why? Either he's a really big Rodin fan, or he likes being seen praying. Which isn't actually bueno with the Big Guy. It doesn't make people think "God is Good." it makes people think that "Tim Tebow is good." Which is counter productive, because what would really make Tim Tebow look good is showing up to all 4 quarters of a football game.

     " But Lauren! He's brave an uncompromising for the faith! He sticks up for Jesus!" Please. Have you been to America lately? Vocal Christian Conservatives aren't exactly hard to come by. It's a tremendously popular platform. I'm absolutely certain that both Mitt Romney and Rick Perry caught flack for not being "Christian" enough to win over their parties base. And Mitt was a missionary. SHOCKER! there's a Christian American, coming out of the SEC. What ever will he do next? Eat an apple pie in public? He's so brave!

3.) Jesus AND Football.

      I don't know what Tim is actually praying FOR. There are plenty of great things to pray for in sports. Player's safety, sportsmanship, personal goals, the weather. But to pray for the win? To have Jesus on your particular side? That's bananahammocks. Is Tim Tebow praying for the win? Does he think Jesus is on his side? I don't know. Probably not.

      BUT- his FANS think Jesus IS on Tim's side, BECAUSE Tim prays "more" (something that can never be proven). That's also bananahammocks. You don't get Jesus-points for mugging for ESPN cameras that you can cash in for points in an NFL Football game. Jehovah doesn't sit around rooting for ball teams like Bruce Almighty. Do these fans also just think the Patriots prayed harder? Sacrificed a ram in the locker room perhaps?

4.) Fans.

     I made the mistake of posting "Am I the only self-proclaimed Christian in the world who thinks Tim Tebow is overrated BOTH as a QB AND a "role model" for other Christians?" on my FB wall. You'd think I'd said "Hey, I love Jesus and all, but I like to go out in the woods and dance around a Pentagram sometimes. That's cool, right?" Two people commented "wow.". Wow. Period. I got a "only God know his heart" and a "I praise God when I see him pray". I got a 3 comment long lecture. For saying he was "overrated" as a role model. 

     Totally makes you want to be a Christian, right? It's pretty easy, you just have to believe Jesus died for our sins and that Tim Tebow is second in command. This is why I have to say "self-proclaimed Christian". No one else will proclaim me anymore because I say anti-Tebow things on the internet. 

     Can't I just not like the guy? No? Ummm.... OK. I can still come to church on Sunday right? No? Well psych. Church is on the Internet now! TRY AND STOP ME!!!!!!!

      Point is, fans have made "finding Tebow annoying" some sort of blasphemy. This sort of fanatical can-do-no-wrong attitude is how North Korea happened. I don't support Tim Tebow's views on gay rights, feminism, education, or family, but apparently because we both like Jesus I have to kiss his butt anyway (well, if that sort of thing didn't violate his purity pact)? I'll pass. 

5.) Completely Subjective Personal Reasons.

     Every single person I've known that is as in-yo-face as Tebow is about Jesus and what Jesus wants from you has used their faith to hide horrible, dastardly secrets. Is Tebow? We'll see. But seriously. I've seen guy's *like* Tebow abuse their wives and children, commit hate crime against blacks, latinos, and gays, and sexually abuse children. Not guys on the news. Guys I knew, guys in my church (past tense church). But guys on the news aren't exactly helping. Is that Tim Tebow's fault? No. Can he change my mind? His missionary work in the Phillipines is a start. But to be honest, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop with him. I've never met anyone who wanted you to see him "be Christian" that much that was still acting like one behind closed doors. 

     Number 5 isn't really a valid argument but if college taught me anything with all those personal reflection essays, it's that my weaksauce opinions are totally valid and worth voicing, even in what is clearly an academic setting here on my blog (where I last posted a picture of a handsy octopus and raved about the new Sherlock movie, which was of course, worth every bit of the hype.)


  1. Interesting post! Hmm...I do have to disagree with your comparison to Kim K. I mean, it's not like Tebow is famous because he believes in Jesus 72 days a year.

    But the rest is really interesting -- it's hard for me to tell what is him pimping out his image of being a good christian, and what is news agencies liking stories about young men who don't have sex. I mean, remember that BYU bball player who was suspended for part of a season for sleeping with his girlfriend? It makes popular news.

    But rabid are super annoying...I'm glad I don't know any of them. I guess I've never really spent THAT much time thinking about Tebow (do I need to repent now?!?! I'll go throw, er i mean SAY some hail marys!) (That joke was terrible on my part. Apologies all around)

  2. Let it go girl... you can't judge everything everyone does as being done for ill reasons. Maybe TEBOW is a "real" christian, like you, and maybe he is also making an impact on people by being so open. God works in mysterious ways, so let it be.